Do you find yourself constantly checking your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s cellphone, hacking their email, looking through their purse, briefcase , looking for solid evidence to prove their dishonesty?
When your partner dresses nicely for an occasion, does your compliment accompany sarcastic remarks?
Do you think your partner is a flirt or exceptionally “friendly” with his workmates?
Do you call your partner when you’re feeling anxious, just to make sure, he is not with someone else?
If the abovementioned scenarios are familiar to you, then chances are you are slowly turning into a green eyed-monster. And if you are not careful this monster will wreak havoc in your relationship.
Jealousy is an emotion that refers to the negative thoughts and feelings of insecurity, fear, and anxiety over an anticipated loss of something of valuable, such as a relationship, friendship, or love. It often consists of a combination of emotions such as anger, sadness, and disgust. It is not to be confused with envy.
The color green is often associated with jealousy and envy, from which the expressions “green with envy”, and “green-eyed monster.
The green eyed monster comes to life when distrust eats into the relationship. This is further aggravated with acts of infidelity. The reality of a third party in a relationship can be most traumatic. For the faint hearted this is enough reason to end one’s life.
Some partners may be willing to forgive incidents of infidelity, but the devastating experience can never be forgotten. And although there is some level of peace in the relationship instances of nagging doubts can still cause tension, sometimes this triggers the final separation.
The irony of it all, is that people who are guilty of cheating, turn out to be the more suspicious. Because they are “aware” of what could take place, as they are guilty of the crime, they are likely to suspect their partner to do the same. Believe or not even a person who engages in acts of infidelity may feel intense feelings of jealousy.
Of course there are some who are naturally distrustful, probably because of some traumatic experience. For instance most kids who were old enough to witness the break-up of their parents, have a hard time trusting others. They believe relationships do not last forever and that the day will come when they too, will left by the person they love.
However psychologists are firm that that the root cause of jealousy is internal, and not external factors like third party.
People do not get jealous because they saw their partner having fun with someone else. Psychologists believe that a big part of the problem lies within, and external conditions. The pretty girl, or the friendly workmate have nothing to do with it.
The possible causes of Jealousy are as follows:
Lack of self confidence:
People develop feelings of jealousy because they have no faith in their own abilities and skills. They do not believe that they are capable of having happy relationships. They probably think that their current partner is the best that they will ever have, and thus they should make it last forever, because they might not find anyone like it.
If you’re one hundred percent sure of yourself, you’ll never have feelings of jealousy because you know that you are deserve to be happy and that you will always attain the life you deserve. If you have faith in yourself you know that you will always have happy relationships, and just in case the current one will not work out, you can always look forward to a better one.
Poor self image:
Having a poor self image is another cause of jealousy; if you think you are not beautiful then chances are you’ll be experiencing insecure whenever you are in the presence of someone good looking. You will compare yourself to that person and you will feel bad because you do not have the same eyes, or she’s taller or slimmer.
A person with a very positive self image, values one’s uniqueness. He or she knows that beauty is beyond skin deep.
One of the root causes of feelings of jealousy is fear. Most people are so afraid to lose their partner because they do not want to be alone. They think being alone is synonymous to loneliness. Believe it or not, some people are happily living fulfilling lives on their own, without any partner. When you are alone it is easy to take control of your life, because no one will influence your decision-making process. Some people anchor happiness to being in a relationship. Happiness is a choices. Whether you are in relationship or not, you can still have a happy life.
Feelings of insecurity is a result of poor self image, a lack of self confidence topped with the fear of losing your partner to someone else. This can be a very stressful phase in the relationship. Insecurity can lead to nonstop arguments and petty quarrels. If the problem is not addressed immediately then it can lead to something as drastic as separation.
Levels of Intensity in professional jealousy
There can be intense jealousy if you happen to dislike the “party in question.” This is very evident in cases of professional jealousy. If you happen to abhor the person who received the promotion, then you could be fuming mad. The opposite can also take place. Of course if the person who received the honor, happens to be a very good friend, then you too will be just as happy.
While low self esteem and poor self image can also lead to professional jealousy, another factor to consider is emotional maturity – the ability to assess a relationship or situation and to act according to what is best for oneself and for the other person in the relationship.
Being emotionally-mature means being just as happy for other people’s success as if it were our own. And so we shouldn’t feel bad when someone else wins the contest, or if someone gets a higher grade in class. Negative thoughts bring negative situations and so brewing ill-feelings in our hearts moves us further away from blessings.
Invasion of privacy
A jealous person will not stop until he or she can come up with a tangible proof of the suspected affair. The alleged aggrieved party would start snooping around going through personal effects, in order to look for clues. Invading one’s private space, like hacking one’s email password’ causes dissatisfaction and can ruin a relationship. Such an action is a clear indication of mistrust. How can there be a good relationship if two people no longer trust each other.
Of course if there is a strong evidence of cheating “invasion of private space” may seem logical. However one must be prepared for the ugly truth.
Friend or foe
Jealousy brings nothing but feelings of negativity. You will end up feeling bad, you will ruin your relationships, and fill your heart with hatred. It leads to blaming others which can result to further misunderstandings.
Getting rid of the green-eyed monster:
Yes, there is a good side. Like anything else, jealousy can be channeled towards the good.
Let’s take professional jealousy as an example. If you are aspiring for a promotion at work, and all of a sudden, your boss awards that position to someone else, instead of feeling bad you can look at the bright side and be happy for that person’s good fortune. Instead of declaring that the promotion should have been yours, be grateful to the universe for sending you a sign. The fact that a manifestation of that wish has taken place, even if the recipient was not you, is an indication that the universe has acknowledged it. And guess what you are next in line. The other person’s good fortune could just be a sign, that your with is in the air, and it will soon be made available to you at the perfect time. Get rid of all ill feelings. Relax, spread love and be happy, for your wish will soon be granted.
As for the jealousy that takes place between two people in a relationship, this simply indicates that there are matters that need to be settled. People in love, trust and respect each other. Jealousy is a sign of diminishing trust. Why is your girlfriend so adamant about reading your text messages? Have you been paying her enough attention or have you been spending too much time “with the boys”? Why is she suddenly having doubts? At this point no one is at fault until proven guilty, however such matters need to be settled, immediately before it’s too late.
Remember that in the law of attraction, “thoughts become things.” A person in doubt who constantly floods her mind with thoughts of her cheating husband, will eventually bring it to life. Instead of dwelling on the negative, think of the good times, those fun moments with the family, such thoughts will undoubtedly fuel feelings of happiness in your heart.
So get rid of that green-eyed monster. It will bring nothing but anger and sadness. Thank God for your wonderful partner every day and stay happy.